sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
