I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Panties = found
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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