Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
two words: eviction party
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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