I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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