i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
