is your mom at the bar?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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