So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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