Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
