Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
