Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
