The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
