I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
