I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
