i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
