dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
