what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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