so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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