I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Rumble strips road head = magical
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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