Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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