I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
