Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
