My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
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You sprinted into the side of a parked car
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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