there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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