I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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