Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
