just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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