You're completely useless in the revolution.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
