I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
