Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
