we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
