Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
