You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize