I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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