Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
