i barfeds in our rink
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
