why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
handjob tips. give me some.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
