If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
