just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
being pregnant is like rehab
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided