Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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