The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.