Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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