so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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