Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
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