what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
