Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Farmville is her only friend.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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