party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
