I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
