I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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