I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
