remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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