I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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