Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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