bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
