i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
