My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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