Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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