I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
