Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
