Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
