Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
