It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
