there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
