i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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