i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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