come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
