he puts the penis in happiness.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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