you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
