Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
