porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
