therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
