I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
