Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And then my night got REAL pukey
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
