I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
