When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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