you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
