we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
