Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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