please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
