I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
