I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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