Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
