belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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