You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
