Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
